So you want to know how to start a conversation with a girl right? Of course you do or you wouldn’t be here. Talking to a girl you like or are a girl you’re attracted to can be incredibly daunting and finding straight forward advice that you can actually use can seem impossible. Don’t worry though, I’ve got you covered.
You can always ask your friends for advice but their answers can be predictably useless. Ask a female friend about starting conversations with girls and she’ll tell you to just be yourself. It’s good advice but if we found that so easy we wouldn’t be asking the question in the first place would we?
Ask your guy friends about it and the same predicable unhelpfulness will usually follow. They’ll say things like don’t be a wuss and just do it, or worse they’ll offer you their ‘tried and true’ pick up lines while promising you they never fail.
Well forget pick up lines, attractive women are used to guys trying to get in their pants. A lame pick up line instantly puts you in that same category as all the other guys that have been hitting on her. You’re objective is to stand out from that crowd.
How to start a conversation with a Girl in two parts
There’s two parts to starting a conversation with a girl. The first is to have the right mind-set, a mind set that allows you to just be yourself. The second part is to have a few techniques up your sleeve, which encompass things like your body language, what you’ll say and how to escalate the start of a conversation into something that becomes more meaningful. Being prepared really just allows you to have the confidence to make the initial approach.
On Being Yourself
Here’s the thing, very few guys that want to know how to talk to girls actually have any trouble talking to girls. They only have a problem with girls they like, because they want something from her.
Most of us have no problems starting conversations or talking to our female friends, work colleagues, girls at school and so on. So, what’s the big difference when trying to start a conversation with a girl you like? The only difference is the sneaky little tricks our brains like to play on us. The reality though is there isn’t any difference at all and this is what we want to achieve, the ability to ‘be yourself.’
Our brains trick us into fearing rejection, and fearing that we will lose something if we blow it when approaching a girl. It’s not really rational at all if you think about it. What are you losing? You can’t actually lose something that you’ve never had.
Developing the right mind-set for approaching girls and starting conversations means that you don’t give any one girl all the power over you. If you can’t have that particular girl, so what? She might seem like the most perfect and beautiful girl in the world to you right now but you need to understand something very powerful. There are more.
There are beautiful, ‘perfect’ girls everywhere, they really are common. When you understand this, you know that if you blow it with the first girl, there will be a second and a third and so on. If you approach girls with an attitude of indifference to whether she accepts you or not, all of a sudden you have all the power, not her.
This mind set is incredibly powerful for two reasons. First, by being indifferent to her approval you are no longer in a position where you have something to lose if you get rejected. This removes your fear and acts like a super charged confidence booster. Second, women are turned off by needy guys and the first way a needy guy gives himself away is by seeking a girls approval.
You can easily practice this mind set. Don’t let any one girl be the only one you’re attracted to or ‘crushing’ on. If you are in the position where you think that there’s one particular girl that you must have and there’s no one else, get over it and man up.
Conversation Starting techniques
With our new found no-lose mindset we can now look at what techniques you can use to start a conversation. The truth is that there’s less to it than you might think.
Keep in mind that the vast majority of our communication with others is done non verbally. In fact the claim is only 7% of our communication is through words. The majority of our communication are the non verbal ques we give through our body language. Positive body language that attracts women makes all the difference to how you will be received. In fact, if you get your body language down to an art you’ll be surprised how many girls have noticed you and are curious about you before you even approach her or utter a word.
Read our post about creating attraction with body language
Before we go on I do want to stress again, forget about pick up lines. They will make you sound lame and scripted and we’re going with the ‘be yourself’ model here. Do you ever have a script when you talk to female friends? Do you plan what you’re going to say, try and anticipate what she’ll say and then what you’ll say next? Of course you don’t, so why bother going to that trouble for a complete stranger?
Our goal is simply to start a conversation with a girl we’re interested in talking to.
There are a number of techniques pick up artists use to start a conversation when they approach women but about the easiest way to do it is with observations.
An observation is merely making a comment, narration or joke about what’s going on right now. You can make an observation about the girl, about the environment around you or about a situation. Observations allow you to use humor and also present opportunities to tease or bait a girl.
The observations you use depend on your own personality, there’s no right or wrong. Personally I use what I call WTF observations because that’s probably what goes through her mind when she meets me. If I’m ordering a drink at a bar and standing next to a girl I want to talk to, I might say something like;
‘Hey I love your dress, I used to have one like that.’ or
‘I think the bartender’s been checking me out, did you notice?’
And she’s like WTF?
I’ll say something like that because it suits me and my personality. I also like meeting women that I can have a laugh with. If I use a line like one above, generally one of two things happens. I get a confused look like I’m some kind of nut job or I make a girl laugh.
This is why I find it so powerful, I win either way. First I’m not asking for anything or expecting a reply, there’s no pressure. If I’m rejected or snubbed because she thinks I’m a freak, my mates think I’m a legend. For the rest of the night they’re telling stories like ‘did you hear what Paul said to that chick?’
If I make a girl laugh, I’m golden.
Now I’m not suggesting that anyone should go out and intentionally make a dick of themselves in public, that’s my gig. You need to make observations that work for you.
The observation is just an opener. It’s an ice breaker that lets you know if the girl wants to talk to you or not. The exact words you use are really unimportant compared to they way that you use them and the way you present yourself.
If she’s open to a conversation it get’s a lot easier. Talk about her favorite topic, everyone’s favorite topic, themselves.
Your job here is to just keep her talking while you listen, who doesn’t love that? They more she talks about herself, the more you know about her. The more you know about her, the more you have to talk about.
TLDR? Here’s how to start a conversation with a girl;
- Approach girls without expecting anything from them.
- Carry yourself with strong, confident, alpha body language.
- Make an observation about where you are or what’s going on.
- Have a conversation with the intent of getting to know a girl better.